Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
