Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
