dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
