I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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