Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
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I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
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I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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