Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
