I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
