No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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