How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
