We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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