Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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