i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
