Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
