1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize