Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you didnt know i had herpes?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
