Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
please come you make the beer taste better
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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