You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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