I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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