theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
