I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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