if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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