I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
