her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
