I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
