yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
