Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
