i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
