The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
