the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
