Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize