i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
