Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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