you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
