Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you will always have a special place in my vag
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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