Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
