Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
