I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
