I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
