TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
