dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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