you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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