Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
