Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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