i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
