I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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