I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
