You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
