Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
COCAINE IS GR8
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
