idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
