so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
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I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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