i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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