when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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