I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
