you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'