you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
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Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.