my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?