Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .

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(330): I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia . http://tfl.nu/fovz

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(704): View more from North Carolina

So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.

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(704): So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material. http://tfl.nu/5qwl

Replies (13) Good night (2125) Bad night (572)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward

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(303): Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward http://tfl.nu/vm30

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(917): View more from New York City

had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.

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(917): had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary. http://tfl.nu/06cp

Replies (6) Good night (3761) Bad night (765)
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(219): View more from Indiana

He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.

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(219): He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot. http://tfl.nu/xkom

Replies (4) Good night (2556) Bad night (1219) Order T-Shirt
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(815): View more from Illinois

It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.

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(815): It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing. http://tfl.nu/i0rl

Replies (20) Good night (8197) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
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(386): View more from Florida

I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.

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(386): I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again. http://tfl.nu/wsfw

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(435): View more from Utah

I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.

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(435): I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs. http://tfl.nu/z5mq

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(951): View more from California

Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.

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(951): Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team. http://tfl.nu/ve6p

Replies (9) Good night (2001) Bad night (579)
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(773): View more from Illinois

That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.

(804): View more from Virginia

It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.

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(773): That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin. (804): It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals. http://tfl.nu/mo3g

Replies (9) Good night (2083) Bad night (481)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.

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(508): she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking. http://tfl.nu/8dis

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.

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(724): Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it. http://tfl.nu/l2a6

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(807): View more from Ontario

It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.

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(807): It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time. http://tfl.nu/tzie

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(601): View more from Mississippi

The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.

(615): View more from Tennessee

My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.

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(601): The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know. (615): My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens. http://tfl.nu/91vw

Replies (10) Good night (1663) Bad night (297)
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(424): View more from California

Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?

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(424): Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo? http://tfl.nu/93zn

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