Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
