No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
