Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
